Prague For A Day: The Royal Road Pt. 1

Prague can be a bit intimidating. It’s an overwhelmingly beautiful city, and to really experience its full life, all its corners and alleys and neighborhoods, can take a pretty long time. But if you’ve only got one day to go, then its best to hit the real sights. So today I present to you, the lightning tour of Prague. If you’ve got only one day to visit the city—or if you’ve got a lot of time but want to get all the tourist mumbo jumbo out of the way as quickly as possible—then this is the tour for you.

While I’m at it, I’m also going to let you know that I do have an GPS-activated audio version of this tour here. That’s only a couple of bucks, but it’s a bit more in depth and for your phone, versus the not-so-in depth version that you have now before your eyes.

Starting point: Palladium. If you’re coming from the train station, it’s a straight shot down the road. If you’re coming from the airport, take the AE bus and it will go directly here. Otherwise, find the Namesti Republiky station on the metro and tramway map and get over there.

the Prague old town square

This route that I’m showing you is not really a secret route. It was the main coronation route of Bohemian kings. They’d start from the limit of the old town, which we’ll get to in a moment, march through the town square, across Charles’ Bridge, and then up to the Castle. It takes in all the main touristic sites in just a few hours. Then feel free to linger wherever you passed.

Not quite the old town

First, you’ll need a sugar and caffeine buzz to prepare you for this jaunt, so start off at Cacao Prague, not far from the tram station. It’s a modern coffee joint full of delicious cakes and pastries. By any means, it beats a Costa or Starbucks, but it tends to get super crowded. It’s right next to the Museum of Communism, so you can get a dose of modern Czech history before strolling through the ancient and medieval.

From there, it should be easy to see a green topped building towards the old town. That’s the Obecny Dum. It was designed by Osvald Polivka to the influence of the great art nouveau master, Alphonse Mucha, whose works you’ll have thought were French. There used to be a stellar presentation of some of his work there, but no more. Soon hopefully though, they will exhibit his Slavic Epic there. A perfect house for his masterpiece cycle of paintings based of the histories of the Slavic peoples. Definitely check the website if you’re visiting and don’t miss that exhibit.

Obecny Dum at night

There’s a restaurant of the style that I like to call “First Republic”, which captures perfectly the atmosphere of the late Austro-Hungarian Empire and the First Czechoslovak Republic. It’s a beautiful place, but it’s also some of the most expensive coffee and cake in Prague. There are other beautiful First Republic places. It also houses Smetana Hall. If you can see a show there, do it. It’s the most epically insane auditorium you will ever experience. Pass on the coffee, pay for the concert.

a view of the Powder Tower, next to Obecny Dum

This building was once where the old palace where the king of Bohemia would stay if he wanted to be in the city, it was also the extent of the first old town of Prague. You can tell the edges of the town by the placements of the towers, which marked the original entry gates. The king stopped using the palace though after some riots in the 15th century, when they measured that it would probably be better to stay well-guarded and away from the pesky rabble. It fell into disuse, but the tower was kept and made more and more beautiful as time passed. It’s called the “Powder Tower” because the palace had turned into an armory, along with the tower, and they had stored a lot of gunpowder up there. It was certainly never a good defense from invading Swedish armies for this reason.

looking up Celetna Street

If you look down one street, you can find all of your favorite non-Czech stores you know and love, like Mango, H&M, and Zara. That street is called in Czech, “Na Prikope”, which means, “On the trench.” That’s because from the tower down, instead of buildings there was a big wall, and outside the wall was a trench. Fun fact.

Into the old town

Go through the old town and now you’ve started on the path that the Kings of Bohemia have been using for thousands of years, all the way since 1836. Stick on the pedestrian road. This is Celetna. It comes to a church. Keep going straight. To the right is a good area to explore though, and there was the old market, where they used to hammer rule breakers’ tongues to the post. The medieval times were good old times.

Finally, old town square! Yay!

the most romantic square in Europe

That big church behind you is called Our Lady before Tyn, which means, “Our Lady in front of the Market”, “tyn” is an old Slavic word for market. The modern Czech word for market is not pronounceable. It’s literally three consonants thrown together and coughed out.

Our Lady before Tyn was founded in the 14th century, but those beautiful spires you see weren’t finished until the 19th century. You can see the different phases of construction. It looks like each architect that was in charge had a different architectural idea that didn’t agree with the ideas of the other architects before or after him. But strangely, it all works to make one of the more remarkable churches in Europe. If you’re here just after Halloween, go for the Requiem Mass, where they do a mass to the music of Mozart’s Requiem.

Grab a beer while you’re here. Or a hot wine, called “svařak” (pronounced "svajak"). Get it from one of those stands next to the tower. A price of beer there is 50 crowns, a beer at a restaurant here is about 100. You do the math.

the Prazsky Orloj, or Astronomical Clock

That tower you see used to be connected to a huge town hall, which was burnt down by the Germans during World War II. The clock on it is from the 15th century and has been mostly ticking since. It also tells the zodiac, which is why they call it “astronomical.” This is a great place to watch Japanese and Russian tourists, as they marvel at the ancient technology of what essentially is an over-sized cuckoo clock with a skeleton and some apostles. The show itself is definitely not as fascinating as the tourists who are eagerly anticipating the clock strike while getting their pockets lightened by the friendly local pickpockets.

This is probably the most recognizable monument in all of Prague, so get your selfies here.

Lunch or Dinner?

Follow the crowds onward and you’ll find yourself in the “Little Town Square”, or Maly Namesti. If it’s already lunch time, find a small door on your left, go through it and descend some stairs. There’s a restaurant called “Las Adelitas” which is the best Mexican food in Prague. Beats the local gulash any day. Order a dark Czech beer called “Master Tmavy.” In pairs similar to Negro Modelo, but it’s an insanely better beer than anything Mexicans can do.

The road then turns left, but you’ll want to hang a right. It’s easy to see where to go because there are lots of people where you’re headed. As you walk down this pedestrian street, you’ll notice all sorts of people holding what looks like cinnamon rolls with ice cream. Those are trdelniks. I dedicated another blog about those here.

a trdelnik, or chimney

They used to be just a cinnamon roll shaped like a chimney, but then this one place on this street got the wise idea of throwing everything but their mother in one, and now it’s like that through almost all of Prague. The best are the “original” ones though, which typically cost from 50 to 60 crowns. They’re delicious. Eat one.

Look, more hot wine! Drink!

Old school

While you're eating, take note of that massive wall you're walking alongside. That's the Clementinum. It started as a Jesuit college in the 1600s and then was nationalized in the 1700s under the Empress Maria Teresa and was merged into Charles University. Check out the tour here and see the library where once Tycho Brahe and Copernicus browsed through books, and then go into the observatory tower where there's the best 360 degree views of Prague's old town.

View from the Clementinum tower

Check out the next blog to read on from Charles Bridge.

#Prague #touristicsites #restaurants #streetfood

Santa's Enforcer: The Krampus

Nothing says Christmas like mulled wine with raisins and tangerines, laughing children, a 20-foot tall fir tree, a parade of woolly-haired demons, and a band thrashing to heavy metal. But that’s how the Czechs in Kaplice carry on the season, along with many other villages across the Alpine and sub-Alpine lands. In the Czech Republic, by far the most biggest and most famous is the Krampus Kaplice festival in South Bohemia.

The tradition is not without historical precedent. As Christianity spread throughout the region, Santa Claus--short for Saint Nicholas for my European friends who are confused about the jolly giant of Anglo lore--needed some help with his piling list of duties. Not only did he have to take care of his reindeer, manage his growing army of elven woodworkers, keep a list of naughty and good children, somehow balance a loving marriage with Mrs. Clause, and hand out presents to all the various good kids of the world, he also had to start giving coal to the bad kids. Mama mia! he might have said. Though he was Greek and I’m not overly sure what those olive pickers are prone to saying when exasperated.

Santa starts the parade

And then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, “What if we enslaved us a pagan deity of the Alps? I hear those Austrians and Swiss are hardworking folk, their old gods ought to be as well.” So Santa, with a team of some forty elves, sought the woolen haired, goat horned old god named Krampus. Luckily for Santa, pagan gods are prone to heavy drinking and dancing. So he got together a few of Mrs. Claus’s single ladies and set them to work.

Before the night was through, Krampus was in chains with a giant bell hanging off his back.

the most traditional versions have bells and baskets on their back

But it wasn’t such a bad thing. He got to relax and drink mulled wine for most of the year at his nice cushy pad at the North Pole. And in December, he gets to revisit his old haunts and torment young children and pretty ladies, slapping them with bundles of birch and generally terrifying them with any number of untold nightmares before Christmas. The tradition continues The tradition started in the 1600s, when it was mostly relegated to local village parades. It would start off with Santa Claus, followed by someone dressed up in sheep's wool, horns, and chains, symbolizing something like Christianity's victory over paganism, casting Santa Claus into an almost Solomon-like position, with an army of demons to do his bidding.

his bidding includes modifying a motorcycle and updating his sleigh

The tradition expanded recently, with the advent of costume technology and secularism. The two together were a powerful formula in translating a once semi-serious religious thing to just an all-out medley of bizarre.

Nowadays, Krampus is still celebrated with a visit from a devilish figure in the company of Santa Clause to tease the children on Saint Nick’s Day, December 6th. Major Krampus parades are held in Kaplice, Czech Republic on the weekend after, and a few other towns in the mountains of Austria, and also in Munich, which has a parade not only the Sunday after, but also the Sunday after that.

One man's Christmas is another man's Halloween

We discovered this seemingly-Satanic festival of the Krampus a couple of years ago, reading through a local expat forum, and immediately decided that this was something we had got to attend. Last year we packed our bags, found the nearest hotel, and made for Kaplice. This year we'll be in Munich, so I'll be sure to keep you updated.

waiting for the parade to begin

We arrived in Kaplice at about 4:00 pm. The parade would start at 6:00 pm, but already people were filling up all the available spots along the route barriers. It was really quite incredible and frustrating, though having some live music up on stage made waiting around a bit more tolerable. We immediately found a good position and staked it out. Like a good husband, I sent my wife back and forth to fetch me mulled wines as I strong armed people away from taking her spot.

rent a car and drive to Kaplice

Maybe it says something about the Czech character, but I was surprised about how many children were out for what basically was a Gwar concert procession. But I thought that was pretty cool.

it's all in good fun

The parade begins The parades star a long line of Krampus teams, each in thematic uniform, their own versions of the shaggy demigod, most being a bit overly demonic, as though they were using costumes that were recycled from Finnish death metal music videos. Indeed, the entire night was something right out of a death metal video.

armed with birch, the Krampus is ready to whip sinners

The procession lasted for two hours. The Krampii ran up, shouted, jumped on the barriers, threw away the barriers, whipped people with birches, and poked children on their noses and waved at them. A couple of times a Krampus actually stole a child and carried them around the parade, but it was all in good fun. The only crying child I witnessed was when the parade was over. The two-year old girl next to me was pissed that there were no more walking nightmares treading the grounds.

Krampus looking for naughty kids

My wife and I were a bit glad that it had ended, since our legs were red from all the whippings. If you're planning to attend, note where all the advertisement banners are hanging off the railings and stand behind one of those!

there were a lot of pyrotechnic displays as well

Time to cry After two hours, a huge fireworks show lit up the sky and then the after parties started up. But being married to a lovely wife, I had my own after party to attend to. So we made like Santa and left Kaplice.

So if you're in Czech Republic, Austria, or Bavaria this Christmas, December 10th, 2017, look for a Krampus parade near you!

#Christmas #festivals #Bavaria #SouthBohemia

Trdelnik: A History

There was a great disturbance in the Internets when the monster of pastries in the picture was released last year. Cyberspace exploded and the shockwaves passed through the comments section of many silly tourists thinking they know the true history of the thing. “Oh, that’s so common in Budapest and can only be found there!” said one. “You can only get those at Christmas in Vienna!” said another. Well, I’m here to set the record straight. Living here in Prague, I can tell you all about those amazing little spirals of sugar and thinly sliced walnut covered dough.

a bite-sized bit of awesome

A good dessert is impossible to pronounce

Here in Prague, the treat is interchangeably called trdelnik and trdlo, which are both equally impossible to pronounce. It has its modern roots in the Slovak town of Skalica, where in the 18th century the Hungarian general, Jozsef Gvadanyi, decided to retire. A poet and philosopher, he had a clear sweet tooth, which was reflected when he hired a Romanian chef from Transylvania who brought the dish with him – that's right, another story of immigrants and globalization!

a man and a chimney

In Skalica, the locals refined the treat and gave it its name. The name comes from the tool which is used to cook it – a metal chimney that the dough is wound around. It’s then placed and rotated over a coal pit until the dough is golden brown, after which they remove the pastry and dip it in sugar and sliced walnut mix. The treat is available year around in Prague and at every festival, as well as many other locales – especially in the Czech Republic and Slovakia – though in other places like Vienna it might be an only seasonal dish. It costs anywhere from 1 euro to 2 depending on what part of town you’re in. The two best trdelnik stands that I’ve found are on Na Prikope, near the Mustek metro station, run by some unfriendly Ukrainians, and at Malastranska Square in front of the tram stop. In most places they also cover it in Nutella for a few crowns more.

the Ukrainians serve the best Romanian treat in Czech Republic

A novelty is born

That was before last year. A new trend exploded onto the scene when a place started serving a new variation of trdlo. Seeing the sudden immense popularity of it, and as the trdlo was one of my and my wife’s favorite winter treats, we decided to go and investigate this Bohemian bounty of dulcitude. As we approached Charles Bridge walking down Karlova street, we saw many people with all sorts of delicious variations of it. Our excitement was growing. When we found the place that was serving this new version of it, Good Food Coffee & Bakery, at Karlova 160/8, we found a line that seemed to go on for some one hundred meters. We jumped in and got lucky, many people gave up and wandered off.

the source of all sin

We found that Good Food had modified the design of the trdelnik to make it into a cone so that various things can be put inside. They have the standard “chimney” option, which is filled with ice cream, and they also have a strudel option, with apples, walnuts, and raisins, as well as one with strawberries and cream. Most of the options are from 80 to 120 crowns.

too good to be true

Verdict To be honest though, after tasting it, I couldn’t figure out what the fervor was all about. The pastry itself was not the best I’ve had – which can be found at the above places – and the soft serve ice cream was pretty substandard. The popularity seemed to be based off the pure novelty of the product rather than the actual thing itself, and the fact that all these tourists probably didn’t realize that there were trdelniks everywhere for much cheaper and with far better flavor.

the making of a trdlo

Now every trdelnik stand does these crazy versions of the trdelnik. But even so, I stick to the "originalny". It's unpleasant to eat all that crazy amount of sugar and the simpler taste really is better.

#Prague #streetfood