Dive into Tbilisi: Fighting the heat

Your Ultimate Guide to the Top Swimming Spots in Tbilisi

Summers can be brutal in Tbilisi.

Temperatures can easily soar into the upper 30s (around 100°F). The humidity and smog create an oven-like effect. Luckily, many restaurants and cafes have air conditioning, making it bearable.

When I endured a Ukrainian winter, I learned that alcohol can be your friend. A shot before leaving the apartment can make you forget the cold. In a Tbilisi summer, an icy cold brew is your ticket to relaxation. However, if you're traveling with kids, are a Muslim, or simply prefer to cool off in water, hitting the pools is essential.

I’ve got you covered. Here’s a complete list of swimming spots in Tbilisi, from natural settings to luxurious hotel pools.

Key Takeaways

Diverse Options: Tbilisi offers a wide range of swimming spots, from exciting water parks like Gino Paradise to serene natural escapes like Lisi Lake and luxury hotel pools.

Family Fun vs. Serious Swims: For a full day of family entertainment, Gino Paradise is the top choice. For dedicated lap swimmers, professional facilities like the Vake Swimming Pool or the Olympic Complex are ideal.

Accessible Luxury: Many high-end hotels, like the Radisson Blu and Sheraton Grand, offer day passes to their pools, allowing you to enjoy a luxury experience without booking a room.

Understanding Tbilisi's Aquatic Offerings

Tbilisi has a variety of swimming options. However, not all are reasonably priced. Some can be surprisingly expensive. Perhaps it’s to keep the crowds down? Who knows. If you’re willing to spend, you’ll mostly get what you want. There are alternatives to traditional pools, like relaxing at a lake or enjoying a water park, which is often a cheaper option.

Types of Swimming Spots

• Water Parks: Designed for maximum fun, water parks are perfect for families and thrill-seekers. They feature numerous slides and diverse pools, offering a full day of entertainment.

• Hotel Pools: Many hotels in Tbilisi provide luxury and convenience. Their well-maintained pools often come with amenities like spas and gyms. Some hotels offer day passes, making a premium experience accessible without an overnight stay.

• Sports Complexes: Ideal for serious swimmers, these facilities typically feature Olympic-sized pools and professional environments, often including comprehensive wellness amenities.

  
  

Tbilisi’s Waterpark

Gino Paradise: The Ultimate Aquatic Oasis

Gino Paradise is a 13-hectare aquatic wonderland near the Tbilisi Sea. It’s the largest and most popular aqua park in Tbilisi, especially since the Didube water park shut down during COVID.

The park boasts a variety of features. Its pools include a wavy pool with a climbing wall, a slow-moving "wild" river for floating, and a panorama pool with a bar and sea views (although I saw a construction wall instead). There’s also a dedicated outdoor children's area with slides and warm water. For relaxation, hot tubs with hydro massage are available. A 25-meter Olympic pool is meant for serious swimmers, but mostly it’s filled with teenagers.

My kid loved the wave pool. Every time the signal went off for the waves, he would drag us back out there. He was absolutely bonkers about it.

There’s also Eastern Europe's tallest 31-meter toboggan, featuring six tunnel slides and five different speeds.

The slingshot and a steep-ish slide

Beyond swimming, the complex offers a wellness experience, including a wellness center, spa lounges, a private seating garden, a fitness room, and a swimming academy. It features 17 types of saunas, a small lake for trout fishing (with on-site preparation), and 12 food courts for any craving. Gino Paradise provides access to a safe, well-equipped beach on the Tbilisi Sea, complete with sunbeds, showers, and dressing rooms. This extensive list of facilities means there’s something for everyone—from families and thrill-seekers to those seeking relaxation. The comprehensive offering drives its popularity, as it allows visitors to fulfill multiple leisure needs efficiently, providing high perceived value despite the admission fee.

Getting there isn’t straightforward. It’s located on Beshenova Street, adjacent to the Tbilisi Sea. Public transit is limited, but you can get a cheap taxi from Station’s Square or take the 333 bus.

The kids' section

Admission for Gino Paradise is set at 99 GEL (approximately $36.7 USD) on weekends, with a sale price of 74.25 GEL (approximately $27.5 USD) available. This makes it one of the cheaper places to swim and relax, even less than some pools.

Children under five years old get in free.

Tbilisi Sea Club: Exclusive Lakeside Leisure

Located directly on the shores of the Tbilisi Sea, the Tbilisi Sea Club offers a well-equipped environment for relaxation and active water activities. It provides amenities and services for a fee, moving beyond simple water access to deliver a comprehensive leisure package.

Key features include two pools, one designed for children. There’s also a spacious sunbathing area on a floating dock, perfect for sunbathing.

From Tbilisi Sea Club's Facebook

For those seeking active pursuits, the club offers water slides, children's playgrounds, and opportunities for various water sports. Lessons for sailing, water skiing, and swimming are available. The club is equipped with cafes and a large restaurant that can accommodate up to 1,000 people, making it suitable for events like weddings and birthdays.

Public transit is as challenging as getting to Gino Paradise, so a taxi is advisable.

Admission is 40 GEL (approximately $14 USD) per person on weekends, typically including free parking, a sunbed, and access to the outdoor pool and the Tbilisi Sea. Children are usually admitted for free.

The Tbilisi Sea Club is best for families with children, couples, and individuals seeking a managed, amenity-rich beach club experience. It’s ideal for those wishing to combine swimming with sunbathing and other water sports. The club offers a more private experience compared to free public beaches, making the entrance fee worthwhile.

Sport Center Swimming Pools

Vake Swimming Pool and Fitness Centre: The Professional's Choice

Established in 1965, the Vake Swimming Pool and Fitness Centre is one of the best and most popular swimming pools in Georgia. It’s known for its long history, professional staff, and commitment to cleanliness and safety. This facility has hosted numerous significant sports championships, solidifying its reputation.

The key features include a 50-meter indoor pool, often described as the cleanest in Georgia. Since it’s an indoor facility, it’s less about summer fun and more about lap swimming.

From Vake Swimming Pool's Facebook

Getting there is easy; it’s just past Vake Park on Chavchavadze Ave. 49B. It’s accessible by various public transport options, including bus lines (345) from Vake or Rustaveli, or by taxi.

Admission for a one-day pass is 100 GEL (approximately $37 USD), which includes access to the swimming pool, sauna, and fitness club. For children aged 8 to 18 years, admission is 50 GEL (approximately $18.5 USD) per day. Monthly and yearly passes are also available, offering better value for frequent visitors.

Neptune Sport Complex: All-Season Aquatic Fitness

Neptune Sport Complex is a full-service, all-season sports and wellness complex in Tbilisi. It’s one of the city's largest gym facilities, providing an extensive range of swimming, exercise, and relaxation amenities. Its retractable roof allows for year-round access, which explains the 100 GEL admission price.

From Neptune's Facebook

Key features include versatile pools: a 25-meter main pool and a 12-meter children's pool, both with a retractable roof. This design allows for open-air swimming during summer.

The complex also offers a comprehensive fitness and spa experience, featuring a state-of-the-art gym, wellness area with Finnish and Turkish saunas, steam room, and massage services. For structured exercise, Neptune provides fitness classes, including pilates, spinning, Latino dance, boxing, and aqua fitness, along with individual swimming lessons from professional trainers. An on-site café serves wholesome dishes.

Getting there is straightforward, similar to the Vake Swimming Pool.

Olympic Complex (Isani): For Serious Swimmers

The Olympic Complex in Isani features a 50-meter, 8-lane pool, serving as the primary training ground for the Georgian water polo team. This facility is a key destination for professional and serious swimmers.

Key features include its main attraction: a 50-meter, 8-lane Olympic pool. It’s important to note that this pool often has a water polo court set up, meaning lanes might run width-ways during certain times. However, staff can typically open a full 50-meter lane upon request, especially in the evenings. Access to a gym is usually included with pool passes, and the complex is known for its decent changing rooms.

Getting there requires some travel. The complex is located at 5 Malxazis Turn (მალხაზის შესახვევი). It’s about a 15-minute walk from the Isani Metro stop, with public buses running directly to the pool.

Admission for a two-hour pass is 20 GEL (approximately $7 USD), and a monthly membership is 220 GEL.

Krtsanisi Residence Pool (Sport Time): Scenic Urban Escape

Located on the edge of the city in Krtsanisi, the Krtsanisi Residence Pool, or Sport Time, offers a swimming experience with picturesque views. This spot provides a refreshing escape amidst the urban bustle, combining relaxation with convenient amenities.

Key features include a spacious outdoor swimming pool measuring 21m x 7m with a depth of 1.3m to 1.9m. The facility includes a beach bar and cafeteria, ensuring refreshments are readily available. Access to the fitness facility is also included with pool entry.

Getting there involves traveling to Krtsanisi, likely best accessed by taxi or private car from the city center.

Admission for daily entry to the outdoor swimming pool is 30 GEL (approximately $11 USD) on weekdays and 45 GEL (approximately $15 USD) on weekends. Children under three years old are admitted free, and minors under 12 years can enter for 15 GEL (approximately $5.5 USD).

Hotel Swimming Pools

Holiday Inn Tbilisi Pool Garden: Luxury & Convenience

The Holiday Inn Tbilisi features one of the city's most luxurious outdoor pools, distinguished by natural wood flooring and decorative trees. This creates a refreshing urban escape. This pool, along with those at other prominent hotels like Radisson Blu, The Biltmore, and Wyndham Grand, exemplifies a trend where luxury hotel amenities are accessible to the public through day passes. This model provides a premium swimming experience without the cost of an overnight stay, enhancing Tbilisi's appeal.

From the Holiday Inn Booking.com

Key features include a seasonal outdoor pool measuring 25m x 7m x 1.4m. Day entry typically grants access to the hotel's sauna and fitness facilities. The hotel also offers amenities such as a buffet breakfast (available for a surcharge), a bar/lounge, and a snack bar/deli. Guest reviews frequently highlight the pool, location, and staff as positive aspects.

Getting there is easy due to its location at 1, 26 May Square, Saburtalo. It’s accessible by public transport, with Tsereteli Station a 20-minute walk away. Taxis also provide easy transport.

Admission for daily entry to the Pool Garden is about 100 GEL.

Radisson Blu Iveria Hotel Pool: Rooftop Views & Urban Luxury

The Radisson Blu Iveria Hotel, a 5-star property in Old Tbilisi, offers a luxurious swimming experience. For luxury hotels, the swimming pool is not merely a facility but an integral part of a broader, high-quality experience. The pool significantly contributes to the overall allure of the hotel, attracting both staying guests and local patrons.

From Radisson Blue's website

I visited once a long time ago, and someone else was paying, so I had a great time. The place is clean and serves good drinks. While it’s not designed for family fun, it is enjoyable.

It’s probably around 100 GEL these days too.

Sheraton Grand Tbilisi Metechi Palace: Luxury & Comprehensive Wellness

The Sheraton Grand Tbilisi Metechi Palace, another massive 5-star hotel, offers a luxurious wellness experience with both indoor and seasonal outdoor swimming pools. Located in Avlabari, it provides stunning panoramic views of the city and Old Town, making it an appealing urban retreat.

Key features include an indoor pool, a seasonal outdoor pool, and a dedicated children's pool. The hotel boasts a full-service spa, a 24-hour health club, and a cutting-edge fitness center. Visitors can enjoy a jacuzzi, grotto, steam room, and sauna, along with a spacious relaxation area. Additional amenities include a poolside bar, a restaurant, and free self-parking.

Getting there is convenient due to its location in Old Tbilisi. It’s accessible by public transport, with the 300 Aragveli subway station just a 9-minute ride from Station Square. Various bus routes serve the area, and taxis offer a quick ride from the city center.

Admission for an all-inclusive day pass is 100 GEL (approximately $25.9 USD). They even host DJ parties on Fridays.

Essential Tips for Your Tbilisi Swim Day

To ensure a comfortable and safe swimming experience in Tbilisi, consider the following essential tips:

Best Times to Visit

Summer Season (June-August): This period is when outdoor pools and water parks are at their prime, offering the most enjoyable conditions for cooling off.

Weekdays vs. Weekends: Pools and water parks like Gino Paradise can get crowded on weekends. Weekdays generally offer a more relaxed experience, allowing for greater enjoyment of the facilities.

What to Pack

Sunscreen: With Tbilisi's hot summers and ample sunshine, sunscreen is essential for outdoor swimming.

Towels: While some facilities provide towels, it’s always a good idea to bring your own.

Cash (Georgian Lari - GEL): Many establishments accept card payments, but smaller vendors may require cash. Public transport also operates using a unified card system or requires exact cash fares.

Water Bottle: Staying hydrated is crucial, especially at outdoor locations with limited shade.

Swim Cap: Certain professional pools may require swim caps for hygiene. It’s advisable to check with the facility beforehand.

General Safety and Etiquette

Doctor's Note: Don’t be surprised if a swimming pool requires a "doctor's note" for a fee onsite. This is common and costs around 15 GEL.

Europark Note: As of July 21, 2024, Europark is no longer operational, and this guide focuses on currently available options.

Conclusion: Your Perfect Tbilisi Swim Awaits!

Tbilisi offers a diverse array of swimming experiences, catering to every preference. From the exhilarating slides and entertainment of Gino Paradise to the luxurious comfort of upscale hotel pools and the professional training environments of sports complexes, there’s an aquatic escape for everyone.

With this comprehensive guide, visitors can make informed choices that align with their specific needs. Whether seeking family fun, a peaceful retreat, rigorous fitness, or urban luxury, Tbilisi's swimming spots provide ample opportunity. So, pack your swimwear, grab your towel, and prepare to beat the heat while creating unforgettable aquatic memories in Georgia's vibrant capital!

Stay tuned for the next blog about natural swimming holes, and sign up for the newsletter below to not miss it!

Belgian National Day

Belgian National Day, celebrated annually on July 21, is a vibrant public holiday marked by parades, family fairs, and either fireworks, a light show, or both. The date itself though holds a specific royal significance rather than marking the country's actual fight for freedom.

The celebration really commemorates the day in 1831 when Leopold I took the constitutional oath as the first King of the Belgians, officially establishing the new kingdom's monarchy. This date was later solidified as the national holiday by his son, Leopold II.

So, while modern festivities embrace the nation's identity with street food, music, and family fun, the holiday's origin is firmly rooted in the founding of its monarchy, not the revolution that made it possible.

Parc du Bruxelles on National Day

It's my favorite holiday in Belgium though. It starts with a parade and children’s fair and ends with the Cinquantenaire turning into a giant beer garden with fireworks banging on overhead (or drones winging around making a menacing display). It’s a true family holiday, with something for everyone. Bouncy castles, street food, beer, folk music, rave music, and so on.

The second year we were there, we had decided to meet up at my place. My Georgian mother-in-law was visiting, so we could stuff ourselves with khatchapuri and then head on out. We had our blanket in arm and started walking on down, the family and a couple of friends. And then we got to a massive crowd outside of the gates.

And on the other side of the gates?

No massive crowd.

What gave? The guards were turning people back. Too many people in the park. But a quick survey of the surroundings showed there were more people just outside the gates in a tighter area! So, I made a mental note and resolved that the following year, there would be no khatchapuri. We would sit on a blanket and eat sausages, dag nabbit jesh maritad blin!

The Belgian Revolution

July 21 is not the real Belgian National Day. It’s actually a complete fabrication of a proud king’s imagination. The real Belgian National Day is on September 27. That date is about the Revolution, which started when a bunch of opera-goers from La Monnaie got super pissed off at the Dutch monarchy and hit the streets.

La Monnaie

You see, the head man of the United Kingdom of the Netherlands, King William I of Orange (not the color, but also the color) was visiting his fair city of Brussels, and he wanted a mad-cap party to celebrate his fifteenth year of rule (not that the locals were very happy about it).

The opposition decided to cooperate with him on that.

The schedule went thus:

1. Monday the 23^rd: Fireworks.

2. Tuesday, the 24^th: Illuminations.

3. Wednesday, the 25^th: Revolution.

The opera house was playing, La muette de Portici, a musical play about revolution and dancing. Just beforehand, a revolutionary newspaper tweeted out that people should leave on the fifth act. Not only because it was a disappointment, but because the King would never suspect people leaving after paying 150 euros a seat.

The United Kingdom of the Netherlands

Just to keep this short, William was the King of a United Kingdom that was invented just after Napoleon’s bout across Europe. The Frenchman was out collecting principalities like my son collects roly-polies on our walk to school, and after his defeat, something had to be done with all these territories.

At that time, the lowlands (or Netherlands) was divided in two parts, and one part (Flanders) shared the same rule with a weird bit of Francophonic, beer-swilling Minecraft squeezed between France and Germany. This bit of land was owned by the Austrian Emperor, who had inherited it from his Spanish relatives, who had inherited it from other Austrian relatives who had gotten it when they were running the Holy Roman Empire (this is the short, simple version, mind you).

So that was the “Austrian Netherlands”. The other Netherlands was actually a republic, but it was being constantly undermined by the powerful Orange family, who had centuries earlier migrated in from France after failing to take over that throne. Despite the country being a republic, the lands were still owned by someone, and that someone was the Orange family. Finally, Napoleon and his defeat paved the way for the Oranges, under William VI, to stake out a new claim, that of the Netherlands.

At the Congress of Vienna, Europeans gathered together to divvy up land that wasn’t really theirs. William threw down his claim, not only that the Netherlands should have a king (him) but also that it made perfect sense for him to throw in Brabant, Flanders, and Wallonia because, ohpsa, what’s this, they had also married into that family as well.

William VI then became King William I of the United Kingdom of the Netherlands.

Not everyone likes a king, or does

The problem with the Dutch was that they were Protestant. The Flemish and Walloons were Catholic (having been under Habsburg rule). Now William had a brilliant idea. He thought he might fix that divide and make everyone a Dutch Protestant. Never mind that there were Catholics and Francophones in a great deal of his territories.

And that brings us back to the revolution and a newly independent Belgium, consisting of the Catholic states that were once a part of the United Kingdom of the Netherlands.

Now it wasn’t that these folk were against having a king. They quite liked the idea. They just didn’t like the idea of William being king.

"Episode des Journées de Sept 1830 sur la Place de l'Hôtel de Ville de Bruxelles" by Gustave Wappers

After two days of brutal street fighting, William’s enforcers deserted on mass and he was no longer able to keep a hold on the territory. On September 27, the not-so-Dutch declared independence, claimed they were all descendants of the ancient Belgae tribe, and voted on a new form of government, this time led by a king, Leopold I.

Leopold was a Protestant nobleman from Saxe-Coburg (same line as the British and Russian rulers) who served in the Russian army against Napoleon. Of course, it’s weird they chose a Protestant just after fighting and kicking out the Protestants, but that’s Belgium for you.

He became the first king of Belgium on July 21. Ah, recognize that date?

Belgian National Day

Leopold was not such a proud man to make a day a holiday after himself. That claim goes to his son, Leopold II, the same guy who funded a lot of Brussels’ fantastic, monumental buildings from profits off his slave plantations in the Congo. He also moved Belgian National Day from September 27 to July 21, to firmly establish the identity of the crown with the people.

There is of course, the regularly recognizable arches that he had built. But there's also this bizarre goldfish pond with a Trumpian etching of slaves with crocodiles, with an inscription for the "brave Belgian explorers" and something about how they got rid of the Arab slavers (the sculptor either had a keen sense of irony or left it at the bank), though the "Arab" part was removed at the request of the mosque nearby.

Dedicated to the "Brave Belgian explorers of the Congo"

My kid used to love visiting the goldfish here, though I'd try to discourage it. But there's only so much you can do to persuade a 2-year-old. He loved it so much, he rolled a Hot Wheel right off the side, plopping into the water straight to the bottom. So, if you're around when they at last drain that thing, grab it and send it to me in Georgia, would you?

And that’s where we are next week, when Belgium celebrates the birth of their nation. Or kingdom. Or whatever.

The Official Parade

The official celebration begins with a large military and civil parade in the heart of Brussels. To get the best experience, plan on arriving early at the Parc de Bruxelles (Brussels Park). The parade, which typically starts at 4:00 PM, features soldiers, police and fire departments, and various civil service units marching past the Royal Palace.

The park is the prime viewing area, but it also hosts a day-long family fair starting at 10:00 AM. You will find bouncy castles, face painting, games, and plenty of food and drink stalls. Be aware that authorities often close the nearest metro stations for security, forcing large crowds onto narrow sidewalks.

So don't get there too early, it's easy enough to get a good viewing point for the parade and you want to keep some energy to linger around afterwards. Don't hurry to go: the massive crowds are crushing when leaving, so it's best to let them dwindle first. Catch a beer or waffle at the Woodpecker in the park before heading out and you'll still have plenty of time to make it to the Parc du Cinquantenaire for the light show.

The royal propaganda

The fun then continues over at the Parc du Cinquantenaire, where they have a huge light and drone show once it gets dark, incorporating the massive arches in the whole display. It’s really cool and a must see if you’re in town on July 21.

The placement of the final celebrations at the park, and indeed, the migration from the palace to the park, is no real accident either. As I wrote earlier, the real revolution, which had invoked ideals of republic and freedom (before they elected to have a king, ahem… mind you, only rich, male property owners could take part in the Provisional Government that decided this kind of things… so it made sense they’d decide to stick with a monarchy), was in September.

It was King Leopold II who moved it to the Cinquantenaire and made it a kind of “king’s day”. And his most famous legacy is the park’s monumental architecture. So from the palace to the park. And even today, the king makes a special appearance and gives a speech just before the light show.

The light show

As I mentioned earlier, you should get there with plenty of time. And again, food and beer is readily available, as they put in a bunch of stalls (though always with long lines, so maybe bring a picnic) along with Chez Maurice which is already there. Also bring a blanket, because all the benches in the entire park are always taken. Place the blanket towards the center so you can reserve a clear view of the show.

Lasers turning the 50 into a rave

They typically start a mix of rave-style, folk, and pop fairly early, and there’s also the big sandbox playground if you need to entertain your kid for a spell.

Then when it gets dark, there’s not much else to do but to cram into the center aisle and enjoy the show.

Schedule

For anyone planning to attend the celebrations in Brussels, here is a quick guide to help you navigate the day.

Event	Location	Start Time	Notes
Te Deum Mass	Cathedral of St. Michael and St. Gudula	10:00 AM	Attended by the Royal Family and officials.
Family Fair / "Fête au Parc"	Parc de Bruxelles (Brussels Park)	10:00 AM	Free activities, games, food, and entertainment.
Military & Civil Parade	Place des Palais (in front of Royal Palace)	4:00 PM	Arrive early for a good viewing spot in the park.
Concert & Fireworks Show	Parc du Cinquantenaire	9:00 PM	Bring a blanket. Show starts after sunset, around 10:30 PM.

Frequently Asked Questions

• Is Belgian National Day free to attend? Yes, all official events, including the parade, park festivities, and fireworks show, are free and open to the public.

• Is the event family-friendly? Absolutely. The daytime events at Parc de Bruxelles are specifically designed for children and families. The evening show is suitable for all ages, though it can be loud and crowded.

• What should I bring? For the day, bring sunscreen, water, and cash for food stalls. For the evening, a blanket or picnic chairs are essential. Packing your own snacks and drinks can help you avoid long lines.

Watch the vlog version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjl_0_sESFc

Jans of Prague and the 1st defenestration

Walking through the Old Town in Prague, you’re in for an enrapturing experience. The old Baroque architecture, the winding alleys, the brutal crowds of gaping tourists. And this weekend on Sunday, when you come out to spy the secrets of the Astronomical Clock and take a selfie with a thousand other people, you might also notice a huge pile of wreaths stacked around the statue in the middle of the square.

Yeah? It’s Jan Hus Day. That statue, by the way, is Jan Hus, now considered a saint by the Orthodox, mainly because he bit his thumb at the Catholics.

Though it wasn’t really his intention. But you know what they say: the road to getting burned at stake is paved with good intentions.

Jan Hus

Before Martin Luther, before Calvin, before burning heretics was even a thing, there was Jan Hus, the man who would be the kindling of the Reformation (while many consider Wycliffe the match).

Jan was curious about why the regular folks couldn’t drink the wine at Church, that is, to take the Eucharist “in two kinds”. Back at that time, they’d just give the laity the bread, while the priest got the best bit of the service and downed the wine (the body and blood of Christ, respectively).

He was also spending a lot of time at the somewhat schismatic Bethlehem Church, led by yet another Jan, Jan Křiž, along with Hanuš of Mühlheim. It was a "preaching church", that is to say, non-sacramental, where the preaching would only be in Czech and not Latin.

Jan Hus

It was a weird time for the Catholic Church too. Back then, we had two popes! And the pope claiming authority over Prague was a real stickler and didn’t think much for people questioning things like sacramental distribution. So he kicked ole Hus out of the Church.

Which wouldn’t have been that big of deal, except that Hus was a priest and an exceptionally good orator. After this, he jumped off the Wycliffe and started preaching things like against plenary indulgences, kind of “get out of hell free” cards that the pope was dealing out to fund his own projects along with other anti-papal criticisms.

The birth of the Czech nation

The Biblical language at the time was Latin, while the political language of the Holy Roman Empire was German, as multi-ethnic as it was. Czech was slowly becoming the language of farmers and dull village folk, while the supposedly educated would speak in High German, so much so that by the 1800s (long after this) Czech German was considered the highest scholarly German there was (this is not to say that everyone was speaking German, far from that, but rather concerning the attitudes towards the two). And in order to preach religion, you had to do it in the “Biblical language”, which was naturally Latin, since the Bible was written in Latin… oh, wait a second.

Latin was really just a power move by Italian and French ecclesiastics, whose languages remained very close to the Vulgate Bible that St. Jerome translated the Bible into. But we’re not really talking about that anyway.

So, Jan went to his roots. He went along with the Bethlehem folk and started speaking the language of his people. The villagers. The poor and the downtrodden. Czech.

And he got so far into preaching in Czech, that he even figured new ways to write the language, adding the precursors of the diacritics, the funny markings that change the sounds and make Čech so much easier to read than Polish.

The Council of Constance

The pope, or antipope as we call him now, didn’t like that at all and summoned him to a council in Constance, a kind of halfway point between Prague and the holy city of anti-Rome, which the French call Avignon. In Constance, they were having a big council to resolve the whole antipope thing anyway, so why not a trial on top?

The Council of Constance by Vaclav Brozik, 1883

But instead of any kind of real hearing, a bunch of the antipope’s minions captured him, tied him up, pushed him through a show trial, and then tossed him to the secular courts who promptly burnt him at stake. His last words were something prophetic, like, “In another 100 years will come a guy you can’t just tie up and burn at the stake”. Possibly in reference to Martin Luther, who would splinter the Church and the Holy Roman Empire forever. With that threat, the executioners gathered his ashes and tossed them into the Rhine River, preventing people from pretending to create relics from his bones.

The Hussites

But really, it didn’t take that long. After the local authorities had rounded up some rowdy Hussites and took them prisoner at the New Town Hall, a riot had formed outside, with the famous one-eyed general, Jan Žižka at the head. The rioters, excuse me, “peaceful protesters”, were demanding the release of some Hussites who had been taken prisoner by the Catholic-aligned authorities.

The peaceful protesters stormed the town hall and launched the authorities out the window, which started the timeless Czech tradition of “defenestrating” people you’re upset with.

After the defenestration, Žižka and the Hussites took Prague.

Jan Žižka

Žižka was such an amazing and interesting character that Pilsner Urquell should make a beer advertising campaign off the guy.

Jan Žižka at Vitkov Hill

Žižka once led an army of peasants and farmers to victory against armored knights using castles made of wagons.

He didn’t always have one eye, but when he did, he could still take the strategic advantage.

He never lost a battle, even after losing his other eye. And even when he didn’t have any eyes, he still won. Some say he could feel the enemy’s fear in the wind.

He once trained an army to fight with farm tools and tore down the king’s guard with a farmer’s flail.

Just before he died, he wanted to keep fighting, so he demanded his men turn his skin into leather used for war drums.

He is Jan Žižka. Stay thirsty, my friends.

A free throne

The rebellion of Žižka was perfect in timing. Just after the defenestration, the King died from a heart attack, and the nearest possible heir was King Sigismund in Hungary. So the Bohemians said screw it, we’ve had enough with these royals.

King Sigismund didn’t have enough with the Bohemians though, and he gathered forces loyal to the Holy Roman Empire and the Catholic Church. His army of Hungarians and Germans began marching towards Prague, far outnumbering the Hussite. Žižka sped down to Tabor and gathered some reinforcements, and he set up camp on Vitkov Hill in his neighborhood of Žižka.

Jan Žižka in Palace Lucerne by David Cerny

Žižka would win his battle against the King at Vitkov Hill, where his statue now stands (which is, by the way, the third largest horseman in the world, and also there’s another Žižka statue of him riding an upside down horse in Palac Lucerne).

The Hussite Legacy

The Hussites were fierce warriors, winning battle after battle, defying expectations and proving that ordinary believers could stand against established powers. They did awesome things like making wagon forts, waging early chemi-biological warfare by flinging poop over castle walls, and eventually turn against themselves with many rejoining the Catholics in the classic Czech attitude of “yesh mariatad” or something like that, which is Czech for “I have strong feelings about this but there is nothing to be done like everything else in life”.  

Years later, the Church basically said, “About Jan Hus, seems like a decent fellow, our bad.” And then they started letting the commoners drink wine at mass.

So anyway, that’s what all the wreaths and flags are about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUd-5xQAqNk