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The outside is a like a Hispanic cathedral

When you live outside of the major cities of the United States, it’s hard to conjure up touristic sites. The cities have it all: the Statue of Liberty, the Sears Tower, the Golden Gate Bridge. There certainly have been attempts at the awe-power that these sites can contribute to, like the World’s Largest Gopher and the World’s Largest Ball of Twine, both in Kansas.

If there’s one place I’ve been lived though that brings out the real amazing elements of eccentricity altogether in one square border, it’s most definitely Colorado. From the Swetsville Zoo of random junk, to a Valley of Lesbians in Guthrie, to a castle made of beer bottles, and finally, to my all-time favorite in Those United States, Casa Bonita.

If anything can be called a Denver establishment, it’s Casa Bonita. A Mexican village

It’s an indoor restaurant modeled after the kitchiest Mexican village a person could ever imagine. Take every stereotype of Mexico in the books--from walking mariachi bands, to caves haunted by Aztec spirits, fire jugglers, even to white drunk party kids in spring break zones diving off of cliffs—they’ve got it all. Pair this with a night of legalized marijuana use—which might not last long, given the current Trump climate—and you’ve got a real super adventure lined up.

walking through the village

Casa Bonita was founded in Oklahoma City. I remember in childhood going to the branch out in Tulsa, Oklahoma, which has long been shut down and serves as a kind of freakish ghost town, prime for urban spelunking. The franchise suffered a monumental decline in the early 2000s though, perhaps because of the kitsch, perhaps because of the poor quality of food, but for whatever reason, one last pink bell tower remained in the world, and that stayed standing in Lakewood, Colorado, a suburb just outside of Denver.

one of the fancier spots in the house

Naturally, when we went to the States, I had to bring my wife to this historic cultural monument. During the gastro-intestinal warfare that you'll suffer after eating there, you can always shout out your own war cry, "Remember the Bonita!"

Not for the food

Nobody goes to Casa Bonita for the all-you-can-eat food. The food appears and tastes about the same going in as it does going out. You start out by going through a buffet line, ordering similar quality tacos or burritos or a few other options.

the best seat in the house

Then your party is shown a table. The restaurant is multi-leveled and sprawled out in various directions and themes. In one room, you’re on a veranda in a Mexican village, surrounded by pueblos and palm trees. Another room is a fancy dining hall with the entrance down into a dark gold mine. Another room you’re in that dark gold mine. And so on.

Most importantly, you want to be in view of the three-story waterfall, so you have direct line of site to the cliff divers that routinely do their show throughout the evening.

the entrance to the gold mine

In the freakish off-chance that you want more food, you just raise up the Mexican flag at the table and the waiter comes around. Then when dinner is done, you finally get served the only thing that matters here, the sopapillas, which are just sugary enough to sweeten up your pallet and cover up that legume abomination that you just ate.

Margaritas are definitely a thing there. So keep that filled up too. Alcohol is the real key to survival, as it serves as a disinfectant.

this guy couldn't make it past the wall

The Colorado location, which is in the Denver suburb of Lakewood, was built in 1968, and has recently undergone extensive renovations. You can get there by the Number 6 bus to Colfax & Newland, or the W-line light rail to Lamar Station.

 

More views from the walk in London I talked about here earlier this week.

 

hearts of London

A few blogs ago, I wrote about what to do if you’ve got a night in London, which included walking around Covent Gardens and seeing Phantom of the Opera. Those of course, are pretty obvious things to do, so I’m going to continue on that trend of what Captain Obvious would suggest for during the day.

We had two days total. As I’ve mentioned before, the metro is an overpriced swamp, a veritable thieving scheme put on by the City of London. The trains commonly don’t run on time and the navigation is something like trying to find your way through a room of spaghetti noodles. Avoid it. Instead, hop a ride on one of London’s famous double decker buses. They take you everywhere you want to go, tend to go in straight, navigable lines, and cost only 1 pound 50. I’ve already detailed the gist on the transit here.

I also can’t recommend enough the Z Hotel. Cozy—hotel talk for comfortable and super tiny—rooms that are affordable, offer a nightly deal of unlimited wine, and right in the center of the city on the Strand. So our tour started here.

The Strand

We started at the Z, but this tour works fine enough starting from Trafalgar Square. This is pretty much the main square of the town, with a column dedicated to Horatio Nelson, who managed to beat Napoleon’s Navy at the Battle of Trafalgar post-mortem.

The Strand isn’t really the most exquisite of streets in London, but it does contain the obviously Harry Potter-inspired Royal Courts of Justice. It’s a massive complex built in the 1800s in the Victorian Gothic style, a style of architecture so immense, that they named it after the woman with the most immense Empire in the world.

The Royal Courts of Justice

The Royal Courts of Justice houses the High Court and Court of Appeal, and functions basically as the American Supreme Court. As England still lacks real codification, some can say this is the seat of real legal power in the nation. That said, there’s a whole complex working of court bureaucracy tied up with the Crown, and I’m not going to even pretend I know anything about it, just that it’s stocked full of moms and m’luds.

Because of the location of the Royal Courts, this area has become famous for its abundance of legal offices and schools. It’s known as the Temple district, because at one point in time, it was a hot hang out for the Knights Templar, who built a church there in the 12th century. When the Knights Templar were dissolved, the possessions went to the Knights Hospitaller, who started renting the properties out to law firms. Henry VIII dissolved the order, swiped their land and continued the practice. The Temple now houses what is basically the same as the American Bar Association, and they pay for 10 quid in annual rent.

St. Paul's cathedral and the best London transit

The Strand took us to St. Paul’s cathedral, the biggest and first of all St. Paul’s churches in London. There’s been a church at this site named St. Paul’s since 604 AD, with the present construction dating from the 1600s. It’s made in the English Baroque style. Which makes sense, because being the premiere Protestant church of the time, it’s best to model your structures off of the Vatican.

Bankside

From St. Paul’s, we went down to the Millennium Bridge, a pedestrian walkway going over the Thames with nice views of the London skyline on either side. The Bridge takes you to the Tate Modern, one of the better museums in London that was built out of an old power station. Like all state-owned museums in London, its free to enter and walk around. A donation is required though if you want a guide-brochure telling you what exactly is relevant to see.

a view the Shard from Millenium Bridge

Like all modern art museums, it’s filled with a lot of incoherent mumbo jumbo composed by art majors in black turtlenecks pretending to be philosophers. The result is a neat looking tower of radios, some Communist manifestations, and a room full of rocks.

An exhibit at the Tate

From the museum, we followed the boardwalk past Shakespeare’s Globe—it’s not the original, but it is a mostly accurate replica and you can watch shows there in the summer. Further down through some tight streets we found the Golden Hinde, a replica of the very ship that Sir Francis Drake sailed in while running away from the Spanish Navy with all their booty, accidentally circumnavigating the world. He was the first captain to make the journey alive, and it was entirely basically a bank heist gone wrong. I'm not really sure why that's not a movie.

The Globe Theatre

Continuing along, one runs into the very beautiful and quaint Southwark Cathedral, which is right up along the largest street food market in London, the Borough Market. Continuing along this stretch took us by the HMS Belfast, a royal Navy museum on a fairly modern vessel sitting on the Thames, then finally to the Tower Bridge. If you’ve got energy to spare along with about 11 quid, the Bridge Exhibition is pretty interesting, showing you the mechanics of the suspension mechanisms.

The Tower Bridge and the Tower of London (on the left)

The tour ended at the walls of the Tower of London. Unfortunately, so did our wallets, but since we’ve seen about a hundred castles at this point, we marked up a tour of the grand White Tower for our next trip. You’ve got to save something for the next trip after all. Check back Friday for more views on the walk.

 
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